By: John Self

Let’s examine points that will guarantee disgruntled customer service experiences every time. Oh boy!

The best way to create disgruntled customers is to have management ignores the common, everyday interactions between the customer contact person (server, busser, bartender, host) and the customer. Begin by thinking that the best way to know if there are disgruntled customers is that the customer will tell you if they have a problem.

And of course, management only needs to tell their employees to be enthusiastic, helpful, and knowledgeable. If they aren’t, that server, busser, bartender, host is out of there. Right?

Want your customers to be unhappy? Then just think positive and assume everything is humming along. After all, you know your staff respects you. (They’d better.) Your management style is such that just by telling your employees how to act and behave, they will. Like magic.
So, here’s how to guarantee Disgruntled guests:

First, to manage your employees:

  • Hold group meetings rather than meeting one on one. It’s much more efficient use of your time. One-on-ones can be so time consuming.
  • Talk down to your employees because they respect intimidation. Producing results now is more important than long term consequences. Who knows what will happen between now and then? You’ll probably be gone by then anyway and won’t have to deal with them again.
  • Never tell your employees why. They don’t need to know. It will only confuse them.
  • Don’t waste any time or money developing your employees’ skills. They’re just going to leave anyway.

Second, to deal with your guests:

  • Websites should be vague. Never give your hours and days open because everyone loves a mystery. Have tons of pictures of décor, but not pictures of your menu items. You’re giving them a ton of information. Let them sort it out.
  • Customers should be secondary to the tasks at hand. It is so irritating when customers expect you to stop what you’re doing to help them out. I mean, what’s the problem with waiting just a few minutes?
  • Do not require servers to know all the menu. Can you believe that some customers actually expect every server to know the entire menu?
  • Wait for the customer to approach you and be right in front of you before you acknowledge them. You don’t want to appear aggressive. If they really need help, they’ll find you. Right?
  • Be yourself at all times. If you have some personal problems, so what? Everyone does.
  • Be technically correct. Be able to memorize and recite all company policies perfectly. Never deviate from the script. Guests love perfection.

Follow these simple rules, and you’re guaranteed to have many, many disgruntled customers. You’re welcome.